Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. ~Jennifer Yane
Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever. ~Don Marquis
The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
You're not 40, you're eighteen with 22 years experience. ~Author Unknown
It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't. ~Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)
Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
Because time itself is like a spiral, something special happens on your birthday each year: The same energy that God invested in you at birth is present once again. ~Menachem Mendel Schneerson
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)
A father carries pictures where his money used to be. ~Author Unknown
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